Clearly he was not impressed with my antics so far. But I had already set the wheels in motion and there was no stopping the series of events that were about to unfold. I heard the timely knock on our front door at that moment, and I winked at him, disappearing from the bedroom for a moment. I turned on a little house music with some dark rhythmic beats to drown the silence. When I returned to the bedroom with Chase, I could see Ryan’s eyes bulge with indignant shock. “It’s a new year, Ryan,” I said to him. “And I think, given that your respect is a rare prize that no woman can really win, it’s just going to have to be about me from now on. And the first thing I want, is for you to know what kind of a dirty girl you had in your bed all this time. One whose true potential you never really bothered to appreciate … darling.” Standing between the two men, and being in control over the moment left me confident in everything that I did and gave me a little rush of excitement. My hands. I was going to seriously pursue a more intimate relationship with my friend. Then it happened. We took an afternoon drive together and found a reasonably private spot where we could be alone. Within minutes we had sex in broad daylight, in the front seat of my car. It happened so fast that I’d have to say that we didn’t make love, we just had sex. I’ve learned, now that I look back on my experiences, that I have never been a lover. Things happen too fast with me and I cannot truly satisfy a woman that way. That day, we simply ended our curiosity about what it would be like. I wasn’t happy with myself and I’m sure she wasn’t happy with herself, me, or my performance either. However, she was very gracious and understanding. During our ensuing relationship I tried to overcome my sexual insecurities by performing more often to make up for my lack of staying power. I’ll skip all of the unimportant stuff, the sexual encounters, the trips from Michigan to Chicago, and the many other.
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